DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
