I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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