If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
