Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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