You work out of a Hotel?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
