Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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