I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
