Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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