sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
