there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
