dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
