Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
