Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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