When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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