Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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