Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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