It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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