wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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