he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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