Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
