that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
