Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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