Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
