You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
