I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I love you.
Bad choice
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
