fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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