I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
