fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize