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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

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• (940): View more from Texas

  This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  do u know what happened to the bottles last night?

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?

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