Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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