It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
