I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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