the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Randomize
