when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
