Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You ate ashes out of my bong
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
