FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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