He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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