Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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