I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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