you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
