Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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