Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
