I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
