I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
