I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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