i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
