I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize