Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize