brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
