It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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