Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
