i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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