I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
