Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
