apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
