Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
