Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
