He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
