well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
