Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize