I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
