Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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