Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
