do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why do cheetos always look like penises
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
