Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
