i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
