he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
