So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
