how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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