do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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