that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
