none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ketchup is God's man juice
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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