like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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