HIV tests are more positive than that guy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
