i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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