All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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