I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
