Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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