I puked a lego.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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