Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
