I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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