____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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