i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
