There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
