It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
