well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
