Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
