Your face is a jimmy john
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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