i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
