he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My feet surprised me
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