my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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